Warning! I am hereby titling this post The Attack of Samson!Rapunzel. Read on for more…

Finally, I get around to posting an update on Disney’s Rapunzel. As usual with Lit.Scribbles, this news is old news, but our analysis is all new! Haha…ha… right. Ahem. So, dear readers, have you heard that Disney is changing “Rapunzel” to “Tangled?”

Dear Readers: What? Gasp! No!
Dae: Yes!
Dear Readers: Whatever for?

Good question. See, “The Princess and the Frog” didn’t do as well at the box office as one might have hoped (if one were a Disney executive). Hence the title change. It’s supposed to appeal more to the young, strapping boys out there who don’t want to see yicky Princess-y films. Think it’ll work? Take a look at the teaser trailer…

Don’t tell anyone about my magic hair! It’s…got…powers! What does this sound like, folks?

That’s right: Samson. From now on, I am going to refer to this Rapunzel as Samson!Rapunzel. Because that’s what’s going down here. Magic hair, people. It gives her Super Strength! No, seriously:

Rapunzel and Flynn

You Make One Weird Looking Delilah, Fella

Let’s review here, shall we? Hair! Magic hair….ah! I explored the sexual implications of Rapunzel’s long hair in this post. You should read it! But the long and short of it is this: long hair = sex. Any look at Victorian English poetry is enough to show you that (or at most models of today, actually). Rapunzel’s anxiety over her hair is akin to anxiety over innocence.

Hair, because it’s a sex symbol, gives you strength. Like…Samson! And Samson!Rapunzel is no different. Her hair gives her strength, so she can tie up ruggedly handsome bandits (I do that with my hair all the time). But once it gets cut…oh! I think I see a Disney Moral Dilemma. Maybe the Delilah!Bandit starts out trying to steal Samson!Rapunzel’s magic hair, but then falls for her in the end? Something along those lines? Any other ideas?

So, to wrap things up, I’ll give ya’ll an updated story-outline. Because, as I’ve pointed out elsewhere, this movie has had a tragic history. So!

Stage One: “Rapunzel Unbraided.” Concept: Girl gets pulled into Rapunzel-world from the modern world and gets turned into a squirrel. Oh, wait! This sounds like “The Princess and the Frog”…but with squirrels!

Stage Two: Traditional, non squirrel Rapunzel.

Stage Three: Tangled! “A princess stolen from her parents’ castle as a baby, Rapunzel (voice of Mandy Moore) is locked in a hidden tower longing for adventure Now an imaginative and determined teenager, she takes off on a hilarious, hair-raising escapade with the help of a dashing bandit (voice of Zachary Levi). With the secret of her royal heritage hanging in the balance and her captor in pursuit, Rapunzel and her cohort find adventure, heart, humor, and hair… lots of hair. With original music by Alan Menken and lyrics by Glenn Slater, this comedic re-imagining of the classic Brothers Grimm fairytale comes to theaters in Disney Digital 3D™.”

What fun fairy-tale Roll-Ups will they roll out with next? Stay tuned!