…that i have ever seen. This website, Grimm Fairy Tales.com, is possibly one of the more disturbing things that I have ever beheld (and yes, I saw what Walt Disney did to Snow White). This is a site where children can hear audio versions of the fairy tales (they have two as of this writing, The Bremen-town Musicians and Faithful John) read out loud to them, as well as follow along in print, and see the stories acted out by (poorly drawn, creepy) characters. What scares me the most, however, is the intro to the site, in which we are greeted by two goblins, both wearing T-shirts. One says ‘W’ and one says ‘L.’ You guessed it: the dancing, springing, jumping Wilhelm and Jacob…the Goblin version! Gaaaaaaah!!

“Hi kids! Welcome to the enchanted world of Grimm’s Fairy Tales.com! My name is Ludwig!” (Ludwig is pink with blue hair, and rather skinny. Also, side note: Ludwig did *not* collect fairy tales. That was Jacob and Wilhelm. Can you get any more elementary?)

“Und my name is Wilhelm!” (Wilhelm looks like an obese frog).

“We’re the Grimm Brothers!”

“Would you like to read a story, or play a game perhaps?”

“Just click the flashing button to begin!”

Wilhelm burps.

“Excuse me!”

WHY is Jacob Grimm now named Ludwig????

And it gets worse. These corrupters of the True Faith will not rest! All you have to do is mosey on over to Andersen Fairy Tales.Com to get sick to your stomach all over again! The curtain opens on a woodland scene, with a castle in the background, fairies flying all over…and Hans Christian Andersen, dressed in a purple waistcoat.

Hans: Hello there! I’m Hans Christian An-der-sen. Welcome to An-der-sen Fairy Tales.com. Come in! Read one of my stories. Learn a little, and play a while. Click the flashing button to begin!

Ahhhhhh!!!! My eyes!!!!! Thou shalt not turn the Brothers Grimm into Gremlin-Frog hybrids! Hans Christian Andersen is not Mr. Rogers on crack! I’m sure it says that somewhere in the Big Book. Doesn’t it say that somewhere in the Big Book? Parents: read your kids the books. Please oh please.